Okay so as of late I have been really thinking hard about who I am, and in working through a few things in life, such as the Grade 12 graduation of my oldest child, along with doing a Photo Story and interview on my life with my Neice for her school, I came to realize a few things 1)I had no clue who I was as an individual 2)After my daughter turned a year old, there are very few pictures of me 3) I was extremely unhappy with myself.All of this has brought out a search inside myself to reconnect, and meet myself again for the first time. Part of doing that is taking ownership of the things I have allowed to happen to my body, things that I have neglected or set aside in my life for reasons that seemed decent at the time. However lately I have been thinking a lot about what will be left for my children if I were to die tomorrow? How would they remember me? Yes I am a great mom and a great friend, but what would they know about me as a person if they wanted to know what I liked to do for me, the things I enjoyed, really anything beyond what my favorite color is? How would they remember what I looked like, because there are no recent pictures of myself. I had to reach far back into my life before I became pregnant at 17, and try to re-examine and explore what my intrests were and what have I been curious about since then along the way to where I am now, but aside from the roles that I play.
First, I started to draw again, I love drawing always have, just for fun, I am definately no Scrimshaw, but I do enjoy simple line abstract drawing. Who knows, maybe I could polish my talents enough to really become something. Next I began quilting, something my Mother-in-law taught me when I developed a facination with the quilts she was always making. It felt Great! They turn out so nicely and I feel so accomplished when I am finished each one. Again they are not perfect, sometimes there is bunching or crooked seams, but I decided they are perfectly imperfect, and that is what I am going to call my quilts as I plan to make and sell them. (Perfectly Imperfect Quilts by Deb) I also cut out much of the pop that I used to drink, as it was really affecting my Ulcerative Colitis, I replaced a pop bottle with a water bottle and haven't looked back at all, I guess I am super lucky, I am one of the few people that love and prefer the taste of plain old water without crystal lite etc. Also as a second step to the drawing and quilting I decided to be more balanced in when I eat, So instead of skipping all meals and then eating one big meal at supper, I began to force myself to have something for breakfast, and dinner; I have been seeing and reading all about protien protien etc. So I decided to make what I ate for breakfast and dinner consist of high protien and fiber items, then eat what I want within reason for supper.
After about a month, I started to notice that my pants were falling down, but didn't think there would be any way I could be loosing weight then about 2 weeks ago I was in Value Village and I saw a scale there, it was the old Doctor kind of floor scale, so I bought it, when I got it home I stepped on it before anyone else was around, hmm it said I was down 30 lbs from my highest weight. I shook my head and thought 'now I know why it was so cheap' As the kids came upstairs because they heard I was home, they were excited by the scale and as they all took their turns I realized it was dead on for thier weights... could it be that small changes had impacted my life in that big of a way that merely begining to care for myself again could yeild a 30lb weightloss?
Yes indeed it was true, and so I decided to continue with small lifestyle changes, so last week was indeed about maintaining, and changing my sleep habits. Early to bed early to rise :) This week is about re-connecting on a deeper level with myself, doing the little things I used to enjoy, like doing my hair, painting my nails, things I haven't done in a long time; not to mention flirting a bit with different kinds of excersize, which will be something I am more serious about next week. I know things will get better, and the weight and inches will come off. I have decided to be realistic about these changes, and my goal is to loose another 45lbs before Keanu's Graduation June 29th 2012! Feel free here to check for updates, and even though I am taking pictures, I don't think I will be brave enough to post the full frontal pict's etc. until there is a significant loss ;) Bare with me, this is a go at your own pace kind of a thing!
