Kenya

Today I cried when I saw this picture of my son in Kenya sitting with a little boy from the Nairobi Childrens Home. My Heart aches for the children that reside there, and their terrible terrible stories. My heart also aches for my son. He LOVES kids and is very gifted in relating to and caring for them. He looked so happy to be there with those kids, to have the opportunity to share in their lives so that they may if even for only a day feel the love of another human being who took the time to care but in his face was the look of his heart being ripped out at the realization of what these children had and were going through and in his 16 year old mind, and being from a Country where the worst possible thing is your parents not buying you a treat when you go out shopping, or having to take the garbage out or do the dishes, I imagine it was horrific to hear the stories of these children and see them alone with no one to love and guide them as we and the many trusted people do for him and his siblings.
So today I thank God for the realization, and I pray he put peace in my son's heart, Understanding in his mind, and continue to grow love in his soul!

Children grow up too fast!

So I have been sitting here most of the summer holiday thus far recollecting memories of past summers, you know when the kids were smaller, and we spent the summer together. Though the last time was just last year it feels like it was a million light years away.

My oldest is now 16, and while most kids are working or just spending time away with friends and extended family, my son is in Kenya doing Missions work. It is an amazing opportunity for him. A life fulfilling experience. I miss him so much with all of my heart though. I cannot believe that I have raised a child that in only one more short year will be ready to venture out in this world on his own as an adult male. I would question if I have taught him everything he needs to know, if I have fully prepared him for life as an adult, but I already know the answer is yes.

YES, I have done my work as a parent, I have stepped up to mend the broken hearts, taught the proper morals and values, stayed up late helping with the forgotten last minute remembered assignments. I have taken the time and put in the effort, I have set the examples, and I have showed him my mistakes and apologised when I needed to. I am his mom, his friend and I have humanized myself to him as much as possible.

Now I have to work with myself to let him have what else he needs, the room to discover where his own dreams can take him. I have to be able to step back, watching from outside the life that I so carefully helped to create for him, and let him put to use all that he has learned, all his hopes and his dreams. It is time for him to create the life that he wants to have.

Everyone said that it is tough and need a break from kids when they are little. A time where the late nights seem like they are never going to end, when the struggle to end the tantrums seems insurmountable, but let me share with you that through my parenting journey, NOTHING has been as difficult as trying to hold on but learning to let go all at the same time. Watching while your baby becomes what they want to become, ventures out into the big bad world, wanting to shelter them, wanting to keep it safe for them, but knowing you have to step back be there when they need you, but let them make their choices and mistakes so that they can continue to grow and learn for themselves.